how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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