I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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