its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
