Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
