Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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