I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
