I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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