Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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