i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They have beer where we have blood.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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