Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
3pm strippers are depressing
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
