the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
