I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
