why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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