Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
