Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
