i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
