I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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