I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
