I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
