So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
