Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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