when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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