Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
