Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
