I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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