This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
