dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
