so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
