I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
