I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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