So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
