we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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