my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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