So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
