Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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