Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
