i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
