Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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