1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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