last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
