P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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