I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
