he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you will always have a special place in my vag
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize