could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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