We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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