please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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