I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
