She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
