FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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