if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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