its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
