Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His nipple licking is glorious
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