i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
