5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
