my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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