VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
