I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
