And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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