i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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