HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
