i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
