I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
