Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
