I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
