That reminds me...we need to get swords
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
