I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
