at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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