; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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